3 Hours Is a Long Time...Just Ask Gilligan

I don’t want to be trite and say the best part of last night’s Bachelor Pad 2 premiere was when it ended, but in this case it really was. All that drama, and still the most memorable part of the entire show was when “Jeff” The Mask “Medolla” (dammit Kasey, your inability to use air quotes is rubbing off on me) scaled the fence and broke into the Mansion to use the crapper. 

(Side Note: I’ve used that toilet...not that big a fan.)

But a lot of other stuff happened before that. Or at least it should’ve; it WAS a 3 hour premiere, after all. And surely ABC wouldn’t have needlessly made it an hour longer just to get extra advertising revenue...would it?

(Realizing this is the way the world works; temporarily considering stabbing out my own eyes.)

You know what, it’s probably best not to think about it. Let’s get to the recap.

First things first: HUGE mistake to make it a rule that you have to drink every time someone cries. I don’t know if Chris Harrison was reading my tweets or what, but not even a minute in I was three shots deep. Not a good sign.

Secondly: ABC has a basically unlimited budget for these shows. They travel around the world, go on elaborate dates, and put the contestants up in first class accommodations. So how is it that Chris Harrison got stuck wearing a tie that looks like it was washed, dried, and then run over by a dump truck? Did he let his kids pick it out? Sigh.

Also, there are so many things I love about Chris Harrison, his dry sense of humor (I’m serious; dude’s hilarious), his ability to get just the right ‘clink’ sound from a glass of champagne...but there are also a couple of things I don’t like. One, stop saying the most ____ in Bachelor/ette/Pad history. When you say it 8 times a show, it kills the meaning. Two, please don’t act like these kids are here ‘for a second shot at love.’ I’m sure some of them are open to finding it along the way, but to act like their primary motivation isn’t $250,000 and 15 more minutes of fame isn’t just lying to yourself, it’s lying to America.

Anyway, moving on...it’s time for the introductions!

First out of the gate is Justin ‘Rated R’ Rego. At first I thought he might be repentant about having had a girlfriend back home during Ali’s season...you know, so America would stop hating him. But then I remembered two things: 1) he’s Canadian, so normal rules of logic don’t apply to him, and 2) he’s a freaking tool. He says the ‘R’ in Rated R stands for revenge. Incorrect, sir...it actually stands for ‘rat-bastard.’

Next up is Jackie. She’s a cute brunette from Brad’s season whose chances of winning his heart were hurt by the fact that Brad’s season was littered with cute brunettes and she didn’t have the necessary levels of crazy to stop the runaway Money train. As we see a shot of her painting (she’s actually very talented!), she says she’s really hoping to find love through this experience. And of course, she still REALLY doesn’t care for Michelle. 

Speaking of Michelle, she’s our next intro (funny how that works). Starting at her shoes, which appear to have fallen in a vat of tie-dye, the camera pans out to reveal...SHE’S WALKING DOWN THE STREET! I have to hand it to you Mr. Fleiss, that’s riveting television right there.

Michelle says she was known for being the girl who was ‘a little too aggressive' on Brad’s season. That’s putting it lightly. To be more accurate, it was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. She got her pods in Brad’s head and almost managed to choose how his season played out for him. That’s what hot girls do to you--they slowly take over your brain until before you know it you’re sitting at the ballet wondering how on earth this was YOUR idea. Or maybe that’s just me...

In real life though, Michelle is a very sweet girl, and her intro showed that. She’s playing the game for her daughter and her dad, who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She seems genuine, funny and likable. I’m rooting for her.

And then there's Gia, the girl so hot they’ve had her on the show twice and it's only the second season. We get some gratuitous shots of her doing her bikini model thing, for which I’m exceedingly grateful, then she busts out a clipboard and gives us the skinny on her life for the past year. Apparently she had a boyfriend, then came on the first Bachelor Pad and met Wes. She fell for Wes, dumped her boyfriend, and then Wes cheated on her with Vienna. So obviously doing Bachelor Pad was a terrible decision that she wouldn’t want to make again, right? Wrong...I swear, something about Canadians, swimsuit models, and logic.

Which brings us to Vienna, who has one of the most serious cases of crazy eyes I’ve ever seen. I really don’t know what everyone sees in her. I mean, she’s attractive and all, but is it worth all that drama? There’s no way she’s above the Vickie Mendoza diagonal on the Hot/Crazy Scale. If you’re unfamiliar with the Hot/Crazy Scale, check out this clip from one of my favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zADosF3XoQ.

Anyway, in the year since she broke up with Jake on national television, Vienna has moved on to Guard and Protect Your Heart Kasey, or Kermit the Frog after he crawled out of the water and became a real boy (yeah, I'm mixing my cartoon metaphors here, but you get the point).

So of course Kasey is next. He has one of the best intros on the show. Aside from saying protect more times than an under armor commercial, he says he’s afraid Vienna will hurt him because he doesn’t think she loves him as much as he does her (sorry bud, but I don’t think Succubuses know how to love). Then he gives what might be the best line of the night: “I’m gonna go take a Jake, and wipe my Pavelka.” 

This opens the door for the turd-burglar himself, and the first shot we see of him is flying  an ugly yellow jet that looks like it was made from lemon wedges. I’m going to be honest, I pretty much tuned out everything he said after that.

I don’t really know what to say about Erica Rose that she didn’t say herself in that monotone Daria-esque voice of hers. She’s entitled, comes from a trust fund, and wears tiaras like they’re going out of style. She wears four of them in her intro alone, and I find myself hoping that’s four times the number of weeks she’ll last on the show.

Next up is Graham Bunn, who I’m pretty sure is actually DJ Qualls in disguise. Everything I hear about the guy is how hot he is, which I find completely confusing. The only conclusion I can reach is that he’s gotten a hold of some Sex Panther. (60% of the time, it works every time).

Then comes Ella, who I’ve honestly never heard of before. She seems sweet enough though, and wants to use the money to give her kid the things she never had. I can respect that.

Holly and Michael both talk about their devastating break-up, and both agree that they’d rather not see each other on Bachelor Pad. And since this show is based on awkward confrontation, it’s already basically a given that the two will have to team up on the show.

(Side Note #3: Really, Stag? Did you have to tear up during your intro? My liver can’t take all these shots!)

Apparently even with 3 hours to work with, there isn’t enough time to give everyone an intro, so we jump back to Chris Harrison (whose tie is still mangled). He gives his spiel about love, heartbreak and drama, and everyone in America nods impatiently as if to say: ‘it’s been over half an hour, I’m already drunk, and no one’s even gotten out of the limo yet!’ 

And finally, as if on cue, a limo arrives.

Some thoughts on the entrances:

1. Shout out to my season 7 cast mate Blake Julian, rocking the Bradley Cooper look with the black blazer and black shirt. Respect. He says he’s here to win 250k, and maybe a few hearts along the way. You’ve already got mine, bud.

2. Somewhere there’s a half-naked ostrich freezing his butt off so you could wear that skirt, Holly. Enjoy it.

3. I don’t care what ‘fashion expert’ Natalie Getz says, Graham, cardigans make you look effeminate. Period.

4. Rated R thinks love is a waste of time, much like his respiratory system is a waste of oxygen.

5. If Vienna is trying to keep Jake away from her, she’s off to a good start with that dress.

6. Amessssssss! I get so excited whenever I see that glassy, confused look in his eyes. I’d say the concussion must still be affecting him if I didn’t know he always looks like that.

7. Gia. Gia, Gia, Gia. Le sigh.

(Side Note #4: Blake’s saying “I hope it’s Gia, I’ll tell you what.” 2nd best line of the night.)

8. I think Michael Stagliano was inhaling helium balloons in the limo ride over. Either that or he’s a TERRIBLE liar.

9. William promises not to make any girls cry. Somewhere Ashley Hebert is still not laughing.

10. And finally, there’s Jake. I don’t know what it is about the guy, but I tune out literally every time he’s on screen. Make it’s the disingenuous way he carries himself. I don’t know. But I did tune back in for this little exchange.

Jake: How are y’all?

Kasey: It’s a little cold out here. 

(I don’t know if Kasey meant that to be a euphemism, but well played if so.)

Jake: [awkward small talk about the weather]

Kasey: Yeah, I think it’s gonna rain (my fists all over your dirty fame-whore face).

(Of course he didn’t say that last part, but you could tell he was thinking it.)

(Side Note #5: Kasey Kahl is a walking quote machine. “I’m mentally beating the crap out of him,” had me rolling in the floor. Is there a mental fight club? Is the first rule that you don’t think about it?)

Shortly thereafter, Jake pulls Kasey aside to talk/apologize. Two things suddenly become very clear to me: 1) Jake is tiny. Like Tom Cruise tiny. Overhead storage on an airplane tiny. 2)He wants everyone to like him so bad. Poor little fella.

Heart-to-heart notwithstanding, Kasey still seems intent on sending Jake home at the first rose ceremony. I have to say, I wasn’t a big fan of Kasey's during his season, but I’m starting to really like the guy. 

Then its time for Chris Harrison to do his Chris Harrison thing and explain the rules of the game. He explains that whoever wins the immunity competitions will not only be safe from elimination, but will also have a rose to give, thereby making someone else safe as well. He adds that strategy is very important, and judging by the look on Ames’s face, he’s never considered that before. It’s okay buddy, your IQ is higher than the rest of the house combined. Wing it, you’ll be fine.

The next morning, it’s competition time. The guys are rigged in a harness and hung above mattresses on the ground below. The girls are to wrap their arms and legs around the guys (subtle, Fleiss, reallllll subtle) and hold on as long as possible. Simple, right?

Not for William, who somehow by the grace of God got paired up with Gia. I’m telling you right now, I’m a skinny dude...but if I had that girl wrapped around me it would take a pack of wild dogs, a gun to my head AND a Clemson game on tv for me to let go. I mean, it may very well be the closest he ever comes to bedding a swimsuit model. Still, he lets go first, and those two are eliminated.

I’ll spare you the rest of the details and skip to the end, since that’s really the only part that matters. The last two teams hanging are Jake and Jackie, and Kasey and Vienna. Kasey and Vienna both go on and on about how they refuse to lose to Jake. Unfortunately, Kasey’s legs, which are turning purple at this point due to lack of circulation, aren’t cooperating. He eventually drops Vienna, which prompts a minor meltdown on her part, and Jake and Jackie win the competition.

Jake takes the victory as a sign that “Jake the Bachelor is back, and the game has now changed.” I, on the other hand, take it as a sign that there is no God.

Jake and Jackie go on a date, but ultimately Jake decides to give the rose to Vienna the next day. He pulls her and Kasey for an ‘apology,’ which on a scale from 1 to completely insincere, ranks about a 376. If you’re going to apologize to someone you supposedly loved for treating them badly, you do it in private, where it might mean something, not on national television.

Some other stuff happens, but I cooked myself some dinner and took my dog for a walk.  The show was 3 hours! What do you want from me??

Finally...and believe me I do mean finally, it’s rose ceremony time. The two contestants most people seem to be gunning for are Rated R and Alli Travis. Allegedly, it’s because they were playing both sides. This must have happened while I was away, because I have no idea what they’re talking about. I honestly didn’t even know Alli was on the show until just now. 

There is a small push to have Kasey eliminated instead, as certain people view him as a bigger threat. This attempt is masterminded by Blake, who I have to say impressed me by going all General Patton on that ass. And I love that Ames served as his war-time consigliere. Tom Hagen would be proud.

There is also a movement to eliminate Gia. This just makes me angry. I find myself promising that if she gets eliminated I’ll never watch tv again. But of course I promptly come to my senses and add, “except on Saturday. Saturday is college football.”

In the end though, Rated R and Alli get the boot. I feel kinda bad for Alli, because she seems blindsided, but I’m couldn’t be happier about Rated R. What does the R stand for now, champ? Removal? Retirement? Retreat? How about good Riddance...

All in all, it was an enjoyable first episode, but I’ll be glad next week when it goes back to its normal length. And...AND...I have it on good authority that The Mask might even make a few more appearances as the season goes on! So I’m excited about that.

Anyway, it’s been fun folks, but it’s 10 AM and I’m late for work. See you next week!

A Beautiful Disaster (aka Your Bachelor Pad 2 Preview)

It’s been a long summer. Heat waves have swept the country. Earthquakes and mudslides make near daily appearances in the news. Hell, just last week we somehow came within HOURS of defaulting on our national debt. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’m assuming we’d have to sell a state or two to China. (I vote Idaho!)

Then you turn on the TV, and everywhere you look someone’s telling you a story that makes you want to cry. Whether they’re falling in love (The Bachelorette), getting their heart broken (also the Bachelorette), or getting played by a diminutive Bradley Cooper wannabe (The Bach--you know what, forget it), the waterworks are in full effect. 

Did you  know they have an Extreme Makeover show for weight loss now?? Inspirational tears are the WORST, because those are the ones that make you want to be a better person and do more with your life. So not only are you crying; now you have homework!

Point is, I think we could all use a well-deserved break--a chance to sit back with a six pack of beer or a few glasses of wine and turn our brains off for a while. And since I’m pretty sure we’re going to have to wait until at least December of next year for the world to stop spinning, we’ll just have to hope some benevolent tv station feels our pain and gives us the consequence-free popcorn fare we all so desperately need.

Thank God for ABC.

That’s right, Monday night marks the return of Bachelor Pad--a show known less for flying high on the wings of love and more for backstabbing, booze-guzzling, and bad decisions. It’s college with an open bar. Several of the ‘most memorable’ (I have to use this term loosely because I have no idea who most of these people are) contestants from Bachelors and Bachelorettes past come together to live under one roof, share germs (in all sorts of delightful ways), and compete for a cash prize of $250,000.

This is your opportunity NOT to get invested, NOT to care, to sit back and mercilessly judge the poor souls who subjected themselves to this nonsense for a quarter million and a shot at fifteen more minutes of fame. Get excited; it’s the only train wreck you’ll ever be able to watch from start to finish. 

Running with the train metaphor, the first episode is where you meet the passengers. You’ll get some backstory, learn a little bit about them and what they hope to get from the experience. You’ll have to watch the show for that, because I don’t care.  I already picked my horse; it’s Ames. I want him to win, and everyone else is just there for my viewing pleasure. 

In that vein, what follows is a brief synopsis of the storylines I hope to see unfold this season:

William...the Weatherman???

You might remember a guy named William from this past season of the Bachelorette. (He was the one with the bad luck and lousy umbrella). His sweet demeanor and self-deprecating sense of humor made him a fan favorite from the start. He got nicknames like William the Wonderful and Prince William. More than a few people picked him to go all the way.

But then William self-destructed on the Roast Date, and after that he could never quite regain his mojo. Suddenly, his jokes weren’t funny, he was losing his cool, and with each passing episode, more and more people saw him as the little brother that would never grow up or get the girl. In short, he was becoming the Weatherman.

The similarities are obvious. They’re both shorter, they both consider themselves to be funny, and they both threw a guy under the bus. At this point it wouldn’t totally surprise me if at some point they found out they were actually brothers separated at birth.

Bachelor Pad 2 is William’s shot at redemption.  I’m hoping he mans up and makes the most of it, because I like Will. I think he’s a good guy and has a lot to offer. But if he doesn’t, I hear the Weatherman does stand up.

Kasey versus Jake

I don’t see what everyone sees in Vienna.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s good looking and all, but she’s not someone I’d be trying to make an ass out of myself on national television for. But then again, I guess the bar on making an ass of yourself is set pretty low for these two. 

Kasey is best known for getting a tattoo on Ali’s season, which he said represented his desire to ‘guard and protect her heart.’ Her horrified expression upon seeing said tattoo represented her desire to leave him on an iceberg. 

Jake, on the other hand, is best known for...how do I put this delicately...doing literally ANYTHING he could to stay famous. He’s been on the Bachelorette, the Bachelor, Dancing with the Stars, some soap opera, some show where he and other has beens run a restaurant, and now Bachelor Pad 2. He takes fame-whore to a whole new level. At this point, he’s a fame-madame.

Knowing that these two are a few sandwiches short of a picnic AND they’ve got Vienna in the middle egging them on, is there any limit to how awesome the impending showdown could be? Kasey already said he wanted to punch Jake not just for his girlfriend, but for ‘Amurricah.’ By episode 3, Jake could be dangling Kasey out of the side of an airplane high above LA. Well, if he was still a pilot he could.

Ames Making Everyone in America Fall in Love with Him

I’ve already gone on and on about my mancrush on Ames in my previous blog post. Just get ready; soon you’ll have one too.

Justin ‘Rated R’ and Michelle Money 

These two were both villains in their respective seasons, Justin of course being the slimy guy who had a girlfriend at the time of filming, and Michelle being the girl who almost managed to tell Brad how his season was going to play out. Not charm him, not seduce him, TELL him. It was impressive. 

For them, Bachelor Pad 2 represents a chance to either continue down that road, or show America another side of them. If I had to guess, I’d say people are going to find out that Michelle is a lot nicer than most people give her credit for, and Justin....well, he’s pretty much the same dude.

Holly Durst and Michael Stagliano

These two were engaged until recently, when she called off the wedding.  I don’t know the details of that, and Holly is a awesome chick, so I’m not going to speculate as to why it happened. Still, according to the previews, he still ‘loves the sh*t out of her,’ (eloquently put), but she is intent on moving on (to Blake, apparently). Holly’s dated several Bachelorette alums, and Blake is a very cool guy, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she does part ways with Michael for Blake, but you don’t just call off a wedding without there being some residual feelings there.  So I’m definitely interested to see how that plays out.

Gia Allemand is hot. She’s so hot they’ve had her on twice, and it’s only the second season. I know, it’s not really a story line, but definitely a reason to watch.

Drinking Game

Also not a story line, but it’s a generally accepted rule that you can’t watch reality television without playing a drinking game to it. So I thought I’d help you out by giving some early rules:

Drink every time: 

Someone cries

Someone says they don’t care about finding love, they only want the money

Someone says they thought they only wanted the money, but now they’re developing feelings for ________

Someone lies

Someone sucks up to make up for something stupid they’ve done

Those rules should get you started.  Hell, in 3 hours they may get you alcohol poisoning. 

All in all, I’m really pumped about the premiere of Bachelor Pad. I think it’s just the refreshing escape we all needed at the end of a long, hot summer. Check me out tomorrow for live tweets during the show, and on Tuesday for an Episode One Recap.

AmesBot: Redemption

Greetings lovers of real-ish TV, fans of scripted spontaneity! I know what you're thinking: 'I just spent 11 weeks of my life obsessed with someone else's love story. Don't get me wrong...it was amazing. Team cupcake all the way! But see, the thing is....monogamy is so BORING! Ash, JP, I love you guys, but your bliss is suffocating me.'

If that's you, and I know it is...well have no fear my friends. It's time for Bachelor Pad 2! If The Bachelor and Bachelorette are about soaring on the wings of love, Bachelor Pad is about shooting that bird, eating it, then drinking half a bottle of Vodka and making some bad decisions. In other words, it's just the escape you've been waiting for.

I don't want to waste your time with unnecessary exposition, so let's jump right in to the contestant breakdowns. First up: Ames Brown.

Ames Brown, 31

Portfolio Manager

New York, New York

Best Known For: Being the smartest contestant in Bachelorette history, eating all the Clementines in the state of California

Little Known Fact: His parents are big James Brown fans, but they hate the letter J.

Line: 10 to 1

The Lowdown: 

I’m not going to make any secret about this...I’m Team Ames all the way. Dude is the nicest, most genuine person I’ve ever met. In fact, I have it on good authority that he said if he wins, he plans to donate the proceeds to charity. Ames is truly a real life Mr. Darcy. 

But if ever there was a place where good doesn’t triumph over evil, it’s Bachelor Pad, where deceipt, manipulation, and general debauchery are the currency of the land. Ironically, one of Ames’s best qualities--that he doesn’t seem to have a devious bone in his body--could be his downfall.

Still, I think Ames has a better shot to win than maybe some of the other contestants are giving him credit for.  Why, you ask?  Because he isn’t human.

I have three basic theories on Ames’ true identity:

#1: He’s a robot. 

We all know Ames is a smarty pants--he went to Harvard, Yale, Columbia and MIT. If you’re keeping track at home, that’s undergrad, grad school, doctorate, and ‘I was bored.’ That’s insane no matter what the school, but we’re talking four of the most prestigious universities in the world...not the country, THE WORLD. Do you know anyone with that kind of brain power?

(Allow me to digress for a second. Do you know what I did in college? Me either, but from the little I can remember my time was spent having fun and chasing girls. People like Ames are how I know I’ll never be president.)

What you might NOT know is that Ames is also quite the runner.  But not 5ks, or 10ks, or even marathons. Nope, Ames runs ULTRA-marathons. We’re talking 100 miles, without stopping. To me, that sounds like masochism of the highest order. To him, it’s a Saturday. 

What's more, he ran the first one ON A BET. One night, he and a friend were sitting around and his friend bet him that he couldn’t finish the ultra-marathon that started the next day. No training, no nutritionist--just go to bed tonight, wake up tomorrow morning, and run 100 miles. And damned if he didn’t do it...

According to Ames, it usually takes about 28 hours to run 100 miles. 28 hours...straight. I’ve never done ANYTHING for 28 hours straight. Asked if he ever had to quit without finishing, Ames replied with a disappointed look: ‘Once, I only made it 82 miles.’

I don’t know if Skynet is real or not. But what I do know is Ames has a supercomputer for a brain and machine-like stamina. Those things, combined with the occasional ‘does not compute’ face he makes...well, let’s just say if my name were John Connor, I’d be worried.

#2: He’s Superman’s little brother

Obviously Superman is far too busy fighting crime and righting wrongs to waste his time on reality television.  But what about his lil’ bro? Bored without the responsibility of saving lives and eager to step out of his brother’s shadow, it would only make sense that the younger Man of Steel would devote his time to the only other noble cause he knows of: finding love. 

Look at the measurables. He’s 6’2, blue eyes, chiseled jaw, and built like a brick sh!thouse....all very Super qualities. And sure, he seems goofy and awkward at times, but hello--Clark Kent? Point is, he HAS to appear harmless to avoid attracting the attention of interplanetary ne’er-do-wells. Duh.

And finally, while he may not be leaping over tall buildings in a single bound, I think we can all agree that running 28+ hours without stopping is more befitting of a superhero than it is any of us. So yeah, theory #2--he’s just your friendly neighborhood Kryptonian, here to save women around the world from their undergarments.

#3: He’s an Alien

I know, I know...technically Superman is an alien too, so these theories are similar. But I don’t remember there being anything extra-special about Superman’s brain.  He was noble and good-hearted, but he wasn’t solving mysteries with his noggin’. He’s no Batman, after all.

So consider this theory 2b--he’s an alien from some distant planet whose inhabitants are thousands of years more evolved than us. They have bigger brains--hence Ames’s enormous head (I can say that because my dome is huge too), and their bodies have become more efficient--hence all the running and lack of body fat. In addition, the extra millennia they’ve been in existence have allowed them to become a peaceful, loving species free of the petty quarrels surrounding our own existence. 

While this theory would explain most of Ames’s eccentricities, one downside is that, if true, it would most likely mean that the 2012 end-of-days theories are also true. See link: Invasion of the Ames's  But that’s a discussion for another time.

Conclusion: In sum, Ames isn’t like you and me. He’s better. Whether he’s a robot, Superman’s kid bro, or an alien harbinger of our destruction, he is twice the man I’ll ever be.  He might be a little too nice for this game--It’s just not in his nature to stab anyone in the back, no matter how deserving. But at the same time, he’s smart enough to come up with a good strategy, attractive/fit enough to attract the ladies’ interest (crucial for forming alliances), and nice enough not to make any unnecessary enemies. That makes him as good a dark horse pick as any.

(Ahem) Is this thing on?

So this is my first foray into the blogosphere. I've always been passionate about writing--wrote for the school paper in college, penned a few short stories, and made several half-assed attempts at the 'great American novel.' I considered becoming a journalist until I learned they make something like 18 grand a year to start out and, let's be honest, no matter what you used to tell yourself, Ramen isn't THAT good.

So I went to law school. Did pretty well considering how little studying I did. I guess you could say I have a talent for the law. Or at least a talent for school. After that I worked for the state for a couple of years, kept the bad guys behind bars...you know, fun stuff like that. I found out I was great in court, but not so great behind a desk. It was then I realized that in order for me to be at all successful in life, I'd need one hell of secretary. All in all, I was pretty happy, but something was missing.

Along came the opportunity to meet the Bachelorette. I knew I could potentially lose my job if I chose to go on the show, but I'm a firm believer that nothing good can happen to you in life if you don't allow it to. So I decided to take the risk. Unfortunately I had to leave my job, but you never regret the chances you take. Only the ones you don't.

These days, I work as a contract attorney at a firm in town. It's not a bad gig, but if I stay with the law I'd eventually like to hang my own shingle. I'm completely comfortable with saying that I'm 100% vain enough to want my name on the door.

Which brings me back to the writing.  It was my first love, but I let it get away from me during law school and in the years since. So I guess I'd like to use this forum to try and reconnect with that a little bit. I'll probably eventually write about a little of everything, but I'm going to start out blogging about Bachelor Pad 2. That series will start right now, with previews of each contestant, starting with everyone's favorite lovable cyborg: Amesbot.

I hope you enjoy what you find here. Have a good night :)